Main 42 saal ki, do baar talaakshud aurat hoon. Meri koi aulaad nahi hai. Main apne maa baap ke saath Maharashtra mein rehti hoon. Meri kahaani ek aisee dukh bhari hai, jis per shayad logo ko yakeen na ho. Lekin is behram Jaalim duniye ne mujhe dukho ke siva kuch nahi diya hai.

Jab main 24 saal ki thi, aur Nagpur mein naukri kar rahi thi. Tabhi meri mulakaat ek aise shaksh se huayee, jo humaari hi company mein kaam karta tha. Wo Pune, Maharashtra se tha. Hum dono ki khoob jamee aur phir uska mere ghar per aana jaan shuru ho gaya. Mere ghar wale open the to, uske ghar aane jaane per koi rok-tok nahi thi. Hum dono ab bahaut kareeb aa chuke the, aur usse main do baar pregnent bhi chuki thi. Lekin shaadi se pehle baccha, hum logo ke samaaj me acchaa nahi mana jata, to mujhe do baar abortion bhi karwana pada.

Ab hum dono ke beech sirf ek pavitr bandhan hi reh gaya tha, jise log shaadi kehte hain. Aur kuch samay baad hum dono is shaadi ke pavitr bandhan mein bhi bandh gaye. Mere ghar wale is shaadi ke liye tayaar the, lekin uske gharwalo ne is shaadi se inkaar kar diya tha. Lekin wo ladka apni baat per ad gaya, aur hum dono ne is shaadi ke pavitr bandhan me bandh gaye. Main apne sasuraal gayee, lekin mujhe koi aadar satkaar nahi mila. Hum dono ke jeevan ki gaadi chalti rahi. Aur kuch samay baad mere sasurji ka dehant ho gaya, aur meri saas ab bilkul akeli ho gayee. Maine apne pati ko apni saas ko sambhaalne ko kaha, kyunki meri saas mujhe pasand nahi karti thi. Phir bhi mere dil me unke liye ijjat thi. Ab mere pati adhiktar samay apni maa ko sambhaalne me lagaate, taaki unhe akelapan na khatke. Aur ab unhone raat ko apni maa ke paas hi sona shuru kar diya. Mujhe koi takleef nahi thi.

Ek saal tak is terah chalta raha, mere pati mujhe ab bahaut hi kam samay dete, aur jaydatar samay apni maa ke paas bitaate. Ek din raat ko meri neend khuli aur maine apni saasu ma ke kamre se kuch awaaje suni. Ghar me andhera tha, aur main dheere se apne kamre ka darwaja khol kar, apni saasu ma ke kamre ki aur chal di, jisme ek khidki thi, aur khidki khuli thi. Maine dheere se andar jhanka aur dang reh gayee.

Jise main pati samajhti thi, wo kamina aaj meri saasu maa yani apni maa ke saath bister per nagnavastha mein sambhog kar raha tha. Ma beta ka ye rishta dekhkar main dil me ro padi. Main apne kamre mein wapas aa gayee. Ye baat maine kisi ko nahi batayee. Aur yahi soch kar ki apne pati ko main samjha loongi. Usne mere saath aane se mana kar diya. Maine phir kai baar ma aur beta ek saath bister per dekhe. Maine chaar saal apne pati ka intzaar kiya, lekin jab mujhe vishwaas ho gaya ki, ab wo mere paas nahi aayegaa to, maine 1999 me Nagpur me apne pati se talaak ke liye court mein arji di. Jisme maine ma bete ke sharirik sambandh hone ki baat kahee, aur court ne use nahi mana. Jo main apni aankho se dekh chuki thi. Lekin 2002 mein muje talaak mil gaya.

Talaak ke ek saal baad mujhe ek aur ladka mila, jo delhi se tha, lekin Nagpur me kisi private company me kaam kar raha tha, hum dono milte rahe. Wo ek accha ladka tha, hum dono ek doosre ke kareeb aaye aur phir us ladke ne Delhi me transfer le liya. Hum dono ke sharirik sambandh bhi ho chuke the. Delhi aane ke baad us ladke ne mujhse contact karna band kar diya. Maine use bahaut phone kiye, lekin shayad wo koi jawaab nahi de raha tha. Mujhe uske ghar ka pata maloom tha. Aur ek din main uske ghar pahauch gayee. Uske ghar mein uski maa se mili aur sab baatein batayee, Baato se pata chala ki, wo ladka pehle se hi shaadishuda tha. Aur ek bacche ka baap bhi tha. Mere paav ke neeche se jaise jameen sarak gayee ho. Aur main stabdh reh gayee.

Shaam ko us ladke se milne per, uska kehna ki wo mujhe sab kuch (jaise ghar, gaadi aur paisa) dega, lekin hum dono ke beech kya kya hua, kisi ko mat batana. Main aur hairaan ho gayee jab usne kaha ki, wo apni biwi aur bacche ko bahaut pyar karta hai, aur chahta hai ki main wahaan se chali jayoo. Maine apna samaan uthaya aur us raat kisi hotel me chali gayee. Kuch din hotel mein rehne ke baad, maine ab Delhi me hi rehne ka socha. Kyunki ab mujhe is ladke ko sabak sikhaana tha. Meri zindagi mein ab kuch nahi bacha tha. Har koi mujhe gidh ki nazro se dekhta tha.

Is beech meri mulakaat ek aise aurat se huayee, jo dhandhe wali thi. Mera to sab kuch lut chuka tha, aur ab mere paas khoone ke liyea kuch nahi tha. Paise ki kami bhi ho rahi thi. To muje us dhandhe wali aurat ka sahara lena pada. Aur usne muje bhi, doosri ladkiyo ki terah apne clients ke paas bhejna shuru kiya. Ek saal paisa kamaane ke baad maine us Delhi wale ladke ko phone kiya, aur usse milne ko kaha. Aaj maine use hotel me bulaya tha, wo meri chamak dhamak dekhkar hairaan tha. Us din hum dono phir ek baar ek doosre mein sama gaye. Lekin mujhme to jaise badle ki aag lagi huayee thi. Aur maine ab uski biwi ko phone karke uske baare mein bataya aur main wahaan se chali gayee.

Is dauraan mujhe internet chat per delhi ka ek aur ladka mila. Dono ne phone number ek doosre ko diye. Maine use apne baare mein sab kuch sach sach bataya, usne vinamrata purvak kaha ki is duniya me sabhi mard ek jaise nahi hoote. Uska itna kehna tha ki, mere muh se mardo ke liye gaaliyo ki barsaat shuru ho gayee. Wo sunta raha, aur jab main chup huayee to, bola agar khatm ho gaya ho to main kuch boloon? Mera kehna tha ki, aaj tak mujhe kisi mard ne kabhi koi ijjat nahi di hai. Usne kaha ek kaam karo tum mere ghar aao, main tumhe apne ghar per sabse milwata hoon. Shayad main apna aapa kho chuki thi. Lekin wo bade hi pyar se baat kar raha tha. Hum dono ne kareeb ek ghante baat kari, phir use shayad kisi kaam se jana tha. To, wo chala gaya.

Agle din subeh maine use bola ki, aaj din mein kaheen lunch ke liye chalte hain. Wo chutti ka din tha aur wo ghar per kaam kar raha tha. Usne kaha ki aaj nahi aur maine phone kaat diya. Thodi der me maine use phir phone kiya ki, mujhe bahaut bhookh lag rahi hai. Usne kaha tum ek kaam karo, tum mere ghar aa jao, main maid se keh deta hoon ki, wo tumhaare liye bhi khana tayaar kar dagee. Mere kehne per ki main sach mein aa jayoon? usne kaha haan.

Main 2 baje uske ghar pahauchi, usne apni maa apni bahan se mujhe milwaya. Unhone mujhe itni ijjat di shayad main wo din apni life mein kabhi nahi bhool sakti. Uski maa ko maine apni saari baat batayee, unhone mujhe bhagwan mein dhyaan lagaane ko kaha aur yog ki siksha di. Jis Delhi mein mardo ne mujhe bus ek hi nazar se dekha tha, aur jo mujhe apne ghar akele me hi bulana pasand karte the. Aaj us insaan ne wo dikhaya jise maine kabhi sapne mein bhi nahi socha tha. Main us insaan se bus ek baar mili, uske ghar gayee, ijjat paayee aur yahi ki, saare mard ek se hoote hain. Shayad main galat thi, aur aaj bhi main us insan ko yaad karti hoon, jisne anjaan hokar bhi is Berahm Jaalim Duniya me mujh jaisee ek abhagan aurat ko ijjat di.